My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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