a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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