If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
