My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
