I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I love having hate sex.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize