can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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