Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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