Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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