It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
