I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
