I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
