Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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