My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
