I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
