who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
