I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
