i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
