My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize