Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
