Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
