I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
