Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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