Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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