Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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