I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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