My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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