Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
