watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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