Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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