my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
