then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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