You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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