it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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