My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
