I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I want to fling myself into the sun
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
