I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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