Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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