I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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