My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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