She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
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