SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
