He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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