Sponge bath it is.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
