My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
