Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
