Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize