All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
