if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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