So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
