shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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