bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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