I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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