During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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