I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
