the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize