I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
