you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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