I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
