i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
its not stalking. its research.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
