just come out here and I will go home with you...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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