This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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