why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
