do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
