I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
