I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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