cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
