I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
