U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
