I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
