wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
