Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The adults are the big ones right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
