Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
