It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
