john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize