i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Who died my cat blue again?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
