It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Rumble strips road head = magical
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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