Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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