I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
