He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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