that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
