dude i'm inner monologue high
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you had me at cake vodka
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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