I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
