Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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