imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
