East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
