doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
