someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
