Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize