My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
