I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
