im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
