i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
