I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
