They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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