i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
