Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
