"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
