Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
