Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
