And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
