My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
