just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
