I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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