The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
