dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
