I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize