billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
