this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize