Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
