God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
