dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
