shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
