WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
