I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm sobbing to NWA
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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